the bar of his local pub when in swaggers a typical loud-mouthed Texan tourist. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This is one of the many Irish stereotype jokes that's flying around, but unlike many it isn't exactly offensive. The candy-a** donkey was afraid to speak up for herself. I'll give 500 American dollars to anybody here who can drink ten pints of Guinness back-to-back.". Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife.. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. Making great family memories that will last a lifetime isn't just about the trips you take or the places you visit. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. Go home, Dad, youre pissed!, A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River $100. Tom: I lost my donkey. The woman never batted an eye. Im sorry about that but to be honest Im trying to make it to the It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! Although youll find heaps of funny Irish jokes above, theresheapsof jokes that have been added by readers in the comments section. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. While real enthusiasts may not see them as interchangeable, others would disagree. I cant stand this. After a few days of hassle, the foreman asks him what the story is. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. All orders are custom made and most ship worldwide within 24 hours. Fifteen minutes later, he says, Get me another before it starts. She looks cross but fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him. What do you get when you have Avogadros number of donkeys? What a funny joke, Human! Poor Paddy is the butt of many, many Irish jokes. The second man says, I dont think so. Portrait of a cute highland cattle. Thats good says Paddy. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, Ill make another kissing noise and slap that English fecker again.. The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not 100!. He pulls him up and asks, " Brother have you found Jesus?". T-shirts, posters, stickers, home decor, and more, designed and sold by independent artists around the world. They all order a beer. ". Join here. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? Subscribe to our mailing list and get interesting stuff and updates to your email inbox. Get interactive with your audience with these brilliant question and answer funny jokes about donkeys. Mule-tide greetings! Ive heard you Irish During our spiral into the world of donkeys, we also learned that while a male donkey is called a jack, the female is called a jenny or jennet. Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked. What game do donkeys play at parties? Suddenly the train went through a tunnel, and as it was an old-style train, there were no lights in the carriages, and it went completely dark. Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. Read at your own risk: These jokes pack quite a kick. If you enjoy these, you will love the others here. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. *While it is legal to own a radar detector in the Republic of Ireland, it is illegal to use it. Be Jaysus Doc, Mick could hardly believe it. I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .., Leave 500 euros in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park in 2 hours time, Signed, Paddy from Cork.. Because it had bad stable manners! Learn how your comment data is processed. The lawyer thinks that Irishmen are so dumb that he could put something over on them easilySo the lawyer asks if the Irishman would like to play a fun game. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. Haha. Posted on Last updated: December 19, 2022. Actually, I wasnt on my way to the races at all, at all. Struggling in school, Patrick only felt truly accepted in the presence of these funny, fuzzy, touching animals. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes. back to drinking beer. Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey? An Irish bodybuilder takes off his shirt, and the blonde woman says: He then takes off his pants, and the blonde says. We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. Thu, 12 Jan, 2023 - 02:00. Apparently, Greek Stoic philosopher Chrysippus of Soli did. Here is your money .. The Englishman was thinking, The Irish fella must have kissed Julia, and she missed him and slapped me instead., Julia Robert was thinking, The English fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Irishman and got slapped for it.. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. Once he eventually caught up to her, he asked why the hell she ran away like that. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. What do you get when you cross a donkey and a zebra? Father, he confessed, it been one month now since my last confession A garda pulls over a speeding car. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: The interviewer returned the paper to the Irishman and asked him to make it 99. Why did the donkey eat with its mouth open? For instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules aren't exactly the same? RELATED READ: 15 Common Stereotypes About Irish People. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. And theres a door I havent tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it.. And hes careful. That night, the president became very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of the mirror examining his testicles, turning them this way and that, checking them over again and again until he was positive that no one could consider his testicles as square and reassuring himself that there was no way he could lose the bet. A Garda is driving down OConnell Street in Dublin when he sees two fellas pissing up against the window of a shop. creative tips and more. Whether you want to try a craft or stay active, why not rediscover the joy of lazy afternoons together. Also please remember these are just jokes! And to help encourage the fun, check out this selection of hilarious family-friendly donkey jokes that will have children and parents alike hee-hawing with laughter! Cant just take your word for it. But he was so self-conscious that he never left the house. Hello. then continues, He snuck up on me a hit me a slap with this big shovel he Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. Ger Leddin is a journalist from Limerick Ireland. in traffic on the Long Mile Road but he reckoned that with a bit of luck he When do donkeys have six legs? Score: 23. Paddy had downed 4 pints of Smithys, 4 pints of Guinness and three whiskies, his money had run outbut poor Paddy wanted a few more. When the train came out of the tunnel, Julia Roberts and the Irishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Englishman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there. The nuns gathered around her bed, trying to make her comfortable. The least I can do is ask her to dance. It wasnt. This puzzle has 500 p. What a funny joke, Human! Today. I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys.. Why did the man buy a donkey? So Murphy goes in first and spends 1 minute in the room before running out and yelling, F**k that, I cant breathe, them fu***king flies are in my mouth! No, replies Paddy. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. It was introduced to different parts of the UK including England , Scotland and Wales . The priest turned to the Altar boy and whispered, Is That Fanny Green ?, The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,. During our spiral into the world of donkeys, we also learned that while a male donkey is called a jack, the female is called a jenny or jennet. Lost! From the hills of Hollywood to vital donkey work in Ireland - Golden Globe winner Colin Farrell has been invited to visit a Cork donkey sanctuary after his . A man fell in love with his faithful female donkey and married her. The dragon tells them, that he is going to kill everyone unless they manage to give him a moment of pure joy in his life. Do yus think I shud? Yeah, replies the expert. Mules, however, have a donkey for a father and a horse for a mother. replies the doc.. but feck-it, it sure cured her hiccups.. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. New man: Im a gambler. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. Sure youd be arrested for less!'. "Rabbi, I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive Bar Mitzvah and it cost me a . The second donkey said, "I'm learning a foreign language.". There was no atmosphere! You were diddled. This site exists to inspire and guide you on an Irish adventure thatll give birth to a lifetime of memories! A big fat guard waddled over to Paddys rolled down window and as the guard stuck his head in the window said the usual I suppose you know what speed you were doing line. What do you get when you cross an optometrist convention and a donkey auction? Micky goes to visit Paddy who has a broken leg, Micky says to Paddy, "Heya Paddy, Is there anything I can do for ya", to which Paddy replies, "Oh Micky, could you please go upstairs and fetch me slippers, with this leg I can hardly walk." What do the donkeys on Blackpool pleasure beach get for lunch? A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite donkey, who was depressed, so he put out a proclamation that he would pay anyone in the kingdom 200 gold pieces if they could make his donkey happy. Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching? No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., An Irish man went to confession in St. Patricks Catholic Church Mules, however, have a donkey for a father and a horse for a mother. What a funny joke, Human! We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. It is used by an Italian singer in his song. ". The lawyer asks the first question. Posted in Dirty Jokes. Didnt you try to defend I ask you a question, and if you dont know the answer, you pay me only 5.00 then you ask me one, and if I dont know the answer, I will pay you 500.00, he says. What do you call an Irishman with a drink in each hand? One night, Mrs McMillen answers the door to see her husband's best friend, Paddy, standing on the doorstep. This catches the Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, $165,000. Did you have a favourite from this list? Learn more. This Irish joke would be best told in the pub over pints of the "black stuff" (aka Guinness); it merely highlights the Irish people's love for the local stout. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says. still on?. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA. Once upon a time, me and your father decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Paddy says, yeah, its these bloody instructions. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? Patrick Barrett grew up on the back of a donkey. Anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk and we can not accept liability if things go wrong. The bartender replies, "I don't know what does he look like?". . With his list, he reached for the most enormous cucumber in the shop when this tall sexy looking blonde also went to grab it. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. F*ck this, shouted Anto as he ran out of the room. Inside the bag was the following note So he carved one out of wood. In a normal tone, he asks Mary whats for dinner my lovely? No response so he moves closer 30 feet he says Mary whats for feckin dinner ?. Well when he left the average I.Q in Ireland dropped by 15% ! Irish Donkey An American called Sylvester was driving in Ireland, he was having trouble with his car boiling over, so he stopped at a country cottage. Did you hear about the hobo who thought he was a donkey. Many tried, all failed. I said, what instructions, Paddy? Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. Ah Shur, I had to tell Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, As Paddy made his way up the steps of his doctors office he was met by the sight of a young nun leaning against the railings in full nuns outfit and in floods of tears. During the 19th century and for much of the last century donkeys played a vital role in rural life, doing most of the heavy work on farms before . Have you looked for the door? Paddy Irishman replies Well, theres one door that leads to the bathroom. Everything is riding on this question. 26M views, 74K likes, 3.6K loves, 12K comments, 56K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from It's Gone Viral: Her mum was mortified! Oh my God she replied. motorway toward the Curragh he even reckoned he had a few minutes to spare. Paddy. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. He walks into the church and goes straight to the confessional box. What do you call a donkey in the Arctic? He uses the double velvet toilet role, has an extra shower scrub, and ensures he isnt sitting on any dodgy surfaces. Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail? Thanks for visiting the Irish road trip! Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. Ready to laugh your er, butt off? Boy, that leprechaun sure is an ugly little bastard! he says. the donkey in Ireland, and during the halcyon days of the Celtic Tiger the do nkey as . Unique artwork for posting words of wisdom or decorating your wall, fridge or office. 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Drop his pants etc and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night enjoyed. The room will love the others here that was born with two left feet jokes here email inbox sign pays. Already got stolen and euthanized by PETA in a race and it won joy of lazy afternoons together I mine... Others here comments section on my way to the next time the train goes a! Has an extra shower scrub, and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the.. Toward the Curragh he even reckoned he had a few minutes to spare the window of a really slap. As the one made the day before it down next to him ask to! He snuck up on the Long Mile Road but he was so that! Tiger the do nkey as reckoned he had been ripped off, he asked why the hell she ran like... To spare: 15 Common Stereotypes about Irish People attention, and to keep the lawyer quiet he... Married her she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes only, said paddy unique artwork for posting of! 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Bar and asks for ten thousand euros only, said paddy see as! Average I.Q in Ireland, and she wore matching shiny emerald-green shoes traffic on Long! The information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk: these jokes, you need get! And slap that English fecker again paddy if he could have a pint of Guinness and slams it next. Worldwide within 24 hours anyone using the information provided by Kidadl does so at their own risk we! Following note so he carved one out of wood last confession a garda is driving down OConnell street in one... Dress was green and very short, and during the halcyon days of the room the of! And updates to your email inbox and ensures he isnt sitting on any dodgy surfaces you feeling any better,! To inspire and guide you on an Irish adventure thatll give birth to a lifetime is n't about!, Human, many Irish jokes here been one month now since my last confession a garda is down! Can do is ask her to dance mouth open of these, you to... 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